As I approach the ripe young age of 32, being that my birthday is in November, I find that it is only natural to ponder where I am at on my journey through this world. When I was younger, where did I see myself in life at this age? I know I didn’t expect that I’d be where I am- I was POSITIVE when I was in college that by the time I was 25, I would be married to my hunk of a husband, with two children, one boy and one girl (naturally), living in San Diego, making big money as a pharmaceutical sales rep, and driving my BMW. HA!!!!! What on earth was I thinking?! 7 years post that deadline, I can look to the heavens and say THANK YOU for not letting my life take that fateful turn. I was SO not ready for marriage, much less children at age 25, I absolutely cannot see myself wheeling a briefcase into doctor’s offices to sell viagra, and a humble Jeep Wagoneer in Seattle is soooo much more my style than a flashy beemer in San Diego. So, the question begs, what DO I want to do when I grow up? What do I want to be? And am I already too grown up to be asking these questions?
I met a girl the other night. She is an EMT, a server, and a graphic designer. She is close to my age, and as we were talking about our future plans, she told me she still has no idea what she wants to do, and it causes her daily angst as she realizes that time is ticking in terms of her career path destination. But after we went around and around about what it is that we are wanting to achieve and pursue, it started to occur to me…what’s the rush? Isn’t it all about the journey instead of the destination? Why are we constantly putting so much pressure on ourselves to FIGURE IT OUT, and KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO, START PLANNING FOR A CAREER IN HIGH SCHOOL. It took me 6 years to get through college. No, not because I couldn’t pass my classes, but because I kept changing my mind about what I wanted my major to be. And is there anything wrong with that? (Except for the tuition; thanks Dad!) But had I not chosen 3 different majors at different times, and postponed graduation and hitting the ‘real world’, I wouldn’t have gotten to live with my best friend Shellee for 2 years in Santa Barbara, or had the opportunity to travel abroad, or to move back in with my parents after things went awry, and eventually live with my older sister right on the beach in Del Mar, learning so many important lessons along the way about what I want from life, and what I want to do during my time on this earth. Have I made mistakes in those years? Absolutely. Have I tried things that I knew were not right for me? One hundred percent. Am I so thankful to have experienced those things and learned from them? Would not change it for the world.
Let’s pause and revisit this quote from my favorite 90’s country music star, Clint Black in his song No Time to Kill:
“If we’d known ten years ago today would be ten years from now, would we spend tomorrow’s yesterdays and make it last somehow.”
Oh Clint. Well put, my friend. I must say, I personally would spend every yesterday exactly as I have, because, well, all those yesterdays have made me who I am today. But I must say, I could’ve spent all those yesterdays doing many things differently and forming a much different trajectory than the one I am on. Things could’ve played out much differently than they have. But for whatever reason, I went left instead of right, and here I am.
How about a picture to stir up deep thoughts?
I feel like I’m losing you. Am I losing you? My point is, whatever decisions you have made in life to get you where you are cannot be looked at as mistakes or wrong turns, ever. Never regret what has put you where you are right now. If you are looking at your life, and not feeling good about it, it’s never too late to ask the question, ‘What do I want to be when I grow up?’ There are no rules! You are never too deep into a career, or too far away from a goal, or too old/young to be doing whatever it is that is calling to you. And most importantly, sometimes we have to live a lot of life and try new things out to really get into what we are meant to do. Plus, I’d much rather be anticipating what’s just around the corner and calling to me on my path, than being stuck in something that I don’t want to be doing and trying my hardest to GET OUT OF IT. So, with that being said, I am so happy to be where I’m at. I work in the restaurant business, which has been so wonderful to me, and a true blessing in my life. I’ve got a pretty great thing going. I am not married with my 2 children, snazzy car, and ritzy job. But you know what, I am so grateful to be looking at my life, at 32 years young and not trying to get myself out of something I don’t enjoy. Instead, I am asking myself, ‘What do I want to be when I grow up?’ Most days, I still don’t know. But that’s part of my journey, and that is my cross to bare. Self-reinvention is a beautiful thing. So is loving where you are at, and so is taking steps towards what might be. Wherever you are my friend, and no matter what age, if you are alive and breathing, then keep on searching. Keep on keepin’ on, and never stop asking yourself the question, ‘What do I want to be?’
Happy Scorpio season friends! Much love to you~